I have been delaying this post for months. To be honest, this is one of the biggest reasons why I have gone MIA on the blog world. My world has been in a weird sense of chaos. The church I am part of has been going through a very unusual transition time. Our lead teacher, Tim Bailey, with the encouragement and support of the other leaders (elders & staff), have decided it is best for Tim to shift towards unpaid leadership. The Bailey’s will still be part of the covenant community; however, their involvement will be limited. This on the relative heels of many other transitions of Hillside. In short, I have witness the change of over a half dozen staff members in the last couple years. However, this post isnt really about that.
Instead, it is about the possibility that I almost transitioned myself, away from Hillside. For awhile I struggled with who I would share this with. I felt like I was in a really weird spot to be. Who does a pastor get to talk to in a church? I didn’t want people to feel like I didnt love them. I felt enormous pressure that if my fellow students or youth leaders found out, they would feel betrayed. The church leaders were consumed with the transition of our lead teacher. To be honest, it was a very lonely time.
Over the winter, I had the amazing pleasure of meeting one of the most caring and spirit-filled men. His name is Murray. You can check out his website YouthTrain. He is passionate about empowering youth ministers to care for students and root them in Christ. I will save you the details, but over a few days of sharing meals and company with Murray, I felt a true sense of brotherhood. In a strange turn of events, Murray mentioned his home church in New Zealand was looking for a youth pastor. Long story short, after a bunch of conversations, the church in New Zealand offered me the job. It was exciting to imagine picking up everything, following Jesus to the other side of the world, and leading a youth ministry in NZ. And, I am confident the church would have loved and cared for Tanya & I. Everything in our life was at a point of transition. We were flexible and ready to go.
But, we knew we needed to make sure we were following God, not just making a rash decision. We talked to a few people. Some said go for it. Others said be cautious. I feel like it said more about the person giving advice. We never heard God say “GO”. I didn’t understand why God would bring us this far, but not say “GO”. Maybe I just didnt hear him. Its funny, but to this day I am still confused why I never heard GO. I have peace that we decided to stay. We did a variety of forms of prayers and listening. We dug into scripture, talked constantly about it, fasted, etc. We were confident that if God wants us to move to the other side of the world, He would tell us. We learned alot about ourselves, and our relationship with God. I am thankful for all God has shown us. But it is so strange to think, I might have been on a plane to New Zealand tommorrow.
In our conversations with the church, we had decided a fair time to go would have been Easter weekend. Like I said, these conversations were in the winter. But here we are a few months later, and I cant help but remember what could have been. In a weird way, I have been grieving New Zealand and all that was down that path. I met some amazing people. The church is amazing. The country is beautiful. And the adventure would have been inspiring. But I guess it was not meant to be.
Yesterday I had a great hang out with a student in the park. We talked about life, love, and culture. We laughed, we ate a great slice of pizza, and we read the bible. It was amazing. Atleast for me. I learned so much. And its a strange thought to think, that would not have happened if I was going to New Zealand. So I thank God, even though I still dont always understand, that God was silent.
PS – If ever those few great souls I met from NZ read this, I hope they know, even though I hardly know you, I love you. Thanks for being willing to risk bringing a crazy Canadian down to kiwi land. Be a revolution for Jesus!
or something like that. Even fancier then the standard Yahoo or MSN emoticons. No its a flashing LOL with a symbol. Its huge. Takes up almost the whole chat window. And can you guess what the symbol is? It is the logo for Playboy. HAHAHA!
